Telltale Signs That Your Boyfriend is Scared of Commitment
My best friend, Nitara, have just broken up with her boyfriend and she remains so upset now-a-days. Last weekend I spent some time with her and got surprised about the reason of her heartbreak. That guy was not ready to get married. He had made it clear to her that he won’t commit for lifetime relationship. But, she thought she can change him which didn’t happen, actually. I’ve mixed feeling about it. One- the guy hasn’t cheated on her as he cleared this before. But, secondly, I thought, if there is no future commitment, where to reach through this relationship. Or guys like him may not want to reach anywhere. They just prefer to float with the wave. What are the actual reasons of commitment phobia of men?
No Commitment, Darling!!
Commitment is a big, scary word for a lot of men and most of the times; women fail to comprehend, why? Sometimes, in spite of being involved with a guy for several years, it doesn’t materialize into a marriage. He is probably really sweet, affectionate, cares deeply about you and loves you but he just wouldn’t pop the ‘big question’. It can get frustrating; especially for women because when they are serious about their partners, they tend to look for ‘exclusiveness’ and like to believe it is going somewhere. However, a lot of men literally run away from ‘serious commitment’ talks. In this segment, I am going talk about commitment or the lack of it, to be precise, in relationships. So, let’s find out why are guys scared of commitment, shall we?
Every woman secretly dreams of a fairy-tale ending. But in order to understand why most of the men are afraid of making commitments, one has to look at the relationship from their perspective. A man thinks differently compared to a woman. So, many a time women don’t understand what is going on in their minds. Okay, so to begin with, let’s discuss a few reasons that would explain why are men afraid of commitment.
Lack of Freedom:
Why are most men afraid of commitment? Because they don’t like to be tied down by the shackles of the conventional relationships. Guys are free spirited and they fear that committing to their partners would mean allowing them to invade into their personal space. A man also feels that being in a relationship would restrict him to do things that he likes doing, like having “boys’ night outs” or pursuing a hobby or an interest that he feels his partner might not approve of.
He is Not Ready:
The answer to the question why men are afraid of commitment could be as simple as this. Guys feel that with commitment, comes a sense of responsibility which means acting all “grown up”! That might freak a guy out as he thinks he is not ready yet to shoulder all the responsibilities that a commitment would bring along. You should be a bit more patient and give him some time.
Guys are usually not that expressive when it comes to talking about their feelings. But there are ways to know why your partner is afraid to commit. Ask him or try to learn about his past, his childhood. May be he had an ugly break up or a rough childhood? May be, his parents were fighting all the time? When parents get divorced, often it emotionally scars the child for the rest of his life. His upbringing is also somewhat responsible as it has shaped him into who he has become now. Kids who were mostly alone while they were growing up are more likely to have attachment issues than those who come from close-knit families.
He is Not That Into You:
Have you ever wondered that may be your guy is not ready to commit simply because he is not that interested to take it further? May be he is not looking for something serious and just likes spending time with you or having fun. If he constantly avoids talking about the future and tells you how much he loves spending time with you,you are barking up the wrong tree girl, because he is not going to give you what you want!
He Wants to Keep His Options Open:
One of the prime reasons due to which some men shy away from commitment is because the thought of spending the rest of their lives with one woman makes them jittery! That’s right! It would be unfair for me to say that all men think in the same way but there are some men who would always wish to explore other options. Being a “one woman man” is not their cup of tea. He probably just wants to be in an open, no-strings-attached relationship.
He Thinks He is Not Good Enough For You:
The guy you are with has fallen head over heels for you but still when it comes to commitment, he seems reluctant! Men enjoy being knights in shining armour. And when a guy is convinced that he doesn’t have what it takes to be your knight in shining armour, he refuses to commit. He probably thinks that you are out of his league and he wouldn’t be able to match up to your standards in future. He loves you too much to let you down!
How to Deal with Commitment Phobic Men?
There are several reasons why men are scared to commit. But, in some cases, guys and their fear of commitment can be dealt with, over time, if you be patient, supportive and understanding. However, of all the reasons I discussed above, there is very little hope for the last one. A guy might change his mind if he is not sure about you or mend his ways and can even change. But when a guy is sure that he cannot keep you happy in future, sadly, there is very little that you can do! Not that you need a guy to be happy but such guys claim that they know what is best for you. Talk some sense into him. Tell him that he should let you decide what is best for you and ask him to keep his fear of not living up to your standards, at bay! But that’s the most you can do and hope he will understand.
I presume you must have some idea now about the commitment phobia of men in a relationship. To put it simply, there are guys who readily commit in a relationship and then there are those who might never commit. Waiting around might change his mind in some instances and might not in some. But forcing him to commit or manipulating him into making a commitment will not result into anything fruitful, I am afraid! It might give you what you want, for the time being but he will probably end up being unhappy which will lead to a failed marriage or relationship eventually. So, if you ask me, I would advise you to end ties with someone who doesn’t want the same things as you do because few moments of pain is much better than a lifetime of miseries!